Finding Grace

I wanted to tell someone about this lovely dream I had last night. On the surface, it seems rather mundane, but, as many of us know, dreams are riddled with symbolism. The dream consisted of several scenes. The first one, I remember calling for a ride from the driver of a school bus. She had previously given me rides before and had insisted that anytime I needed, to call her. For some reason, I wasn't at home but was being driven home and ended up meeting the school bus a block after she had passed my home. Ever kind and gracious, she opens the doors to tell me to hop on. Instead of being gracious in return, however, I felt guilt and decided to apologize several times and be overly exuberant in my gratitude, which was just annoying even to me. Now, in this first scene, I am being given a gift of faith, support, and acceptance. Instead of accepting it as the gift that it was, however, I changed the energy by feeling guilty and believing I was taking advantage of her. In the society that we have, we believe that gifts need a fair exchange. We have been trained to expect equal exchange. I mean, how do we handle Christmas? Personally, I hate the gift exchange expectation. I'd much rather give gifts on birthdays (or randomly) for that is an expression of celebration for that person I love, not an expectation crafted by the spirit of consumerism. Spiritually, when we give in love, it is never about reciprocation but gracious acceptance.

In the second scene, I was at home and find 3 "gifts" left in my yard. There are 2 bright yellow bikes and a large purse. No one seems to be around to claim them that I could see, but, once again, instead of accepting the gifts with graciousness, I moved them all around the corner to a more public place. After some thought though, I decided to sell them for profit. Coming out of a 3D mindset into a more profound, spiritual one can have us questioning the gifts that the Universe keeps trying to give to us. We look for ways to hide them, get rid of them, profit from them, and end up feeling guilty or not worthy enough to receive them. Our society tells us our worth is dependent upon our financial status, marriage status, race, culture, religion, and education, and yet none of these things are given any credence in the eyes of Source/God/Divine Energy (whatever we individually wish to call the I AM.) Source does not give a damn about the exterior, only about your divine light for we are all loved, just for being us, and only wishes to remind us of its love. In neither scene did I need to earn the gifts that were being offered to me. I was given them because the moment I received them, I was receptive and open.

The next scene has me at some sort of conference at a hotel. I ran into a guy I met last year - more like a combination of two who kinda rescued me on my hike on the Appalachian Trail. On the exterior, he looked like one but he personified the other who was quiet, reserved, assured, and at peace with who he was. During this scene, he kind of just watches me and the scene as it occurs. He has come with a bunch of kids, as a supervisor, for this conference. I end up bonding with the kids by becoming a mother-like figure, playing with them, and encouraging their creative minds to explore whatever interests them. When we've all settled down and are just chillin' and watching a movie, I am given a flash drive by one little girl, just to look at but soon after, I jump up, realizing I have forgotten my grandma who's probably hungry for supper, and neglect to give back the flash drive. Isn't this just like when we're awakening and learning how the universe really works? The Law of Abundance (or Attraction) states, in part, that in able to manifest that which we want, we need to play, have fun, and do what brings us joy. As we're beginning our journey into manifesting joy and positivity, realigning our thoughts, heart, and body to a completely different mindset, we have the tendency to step off that path periodically. It's a lot of adjustment and sometimes the fear gets in the way with the newness that we gravitate towards that which is familiar, even if it does more harm than good.

I rushed off from the last scene to my shared hotel room to find my grandma (who is just a couple of years shy of 100) sitting in her wheelchair and asked her where she'd like to go for dinner. At this moment, my cousin presented herself and said to try the restaurant she and everyone else had just gotten back from. There was a bit of resentment, I must say. In a sense, I had felt like I was in competition with my cousin and a bit resentful for everyone having gone out without us (or more specifically, me) as if I was an outsider. I felt this, even though I would have infinitely preferred being exactly where I had been, which was playing, creating, connecting, enjoying, experiencing, and living the moment in joy. When we begin to really and truly create our lives and that paradigm shift has been officially implemented, the conscious awareness that our old life is dropping away can have devastating effects. Loss, resentment, feeling like an outsider. I spent some time analyzing what my grandma represented here too. On one hand, she symbolizes a time in which I upended my life to take care of her and was overwhelmed by the broken promises and lack of aid from certain other family members. She also has the tendency to pretend she's someone she's not to manipulate her children. (Seriously, her kids have continued a litany of dementia for the last 15 years, but us grandkids know better. I've seen the difference in what she hides from them.) On the other hand, she is the one who taught me to draw and understand how color is multi-layered in a complexity of hues and contrasts. In short, she taught me to see. Now, that is a real gift - to see the details. One thing about manifesting our desires, we have to see the details. If we see the details of the "real" world, as we have the tendency to call it, like the things we call responsibilities that we use as excuses to keep us from our dreams and the development of our facade of the ego, then we miss seeing the details of the life we're meant to live. Manifesting the original blueprint of our soul that we've come into this life with consists of remembering what we dreamed about as children and then smelling the scents, feeling the textures, seeing the colors and every little nuance, hearing the words and other sounds, and feeling into the heart as it becomes almost overwhelmed with love and joy and excitement.

Though there's way more to this dream, like the fact that it has overall themes of vehicles (bus, bikes, flash drive) and "tools" (like writing and art supplies) for manifesting (which I didn't mention), I will leave off with only one more thing in regards to my dream which is the direction North. Every person featured in this dream lives North of me, like several states North. Personally, I find this interesting in that my main interpretation of this dream has revolved around manifesting soul dreams, and in our culture, we have the saying "finding our true North," meaning to align within, to which part of becoming our true North is in the manifesting of our soul dreams.

On a side note, if you're anything like me, you may find interpreting dreams quite difficult. First off, don't use a dream dictionary. Yes, they can be helpful but you may have a different interpretation from how the rest of society sees a certain symbol. It's better to formulate and learn to develop your own interpretations as, if you begin channeling at any point or desire to pay more attention to the signs that the Universe sends you, you'll have a better and richer understanding of what the messages and dreams you receive mean. Next, find the recurring symbols and ask yourself what they represent to you. Examine what is happening in each scene. Does it remind you of anything? What emotions are being ignited? Is there anything significant that bothers you or lights you up? Why? Try to create a story that makes sense to you. Clarify the symbolism of any other items, people, or places that still offer some confusion.

Happy dream manifesting!