Greed

Narcissists leverage your greed. 

I came across a video one day on narcissism that had me floored. The host, Richard Grannon, explained narcissism from a point of reference I've never been exposed to before. Using the movie Renfield, he offers a picture of this psychological disorder that hones in on the crux of the manipulation technique. What is it that a narcissist seeks? As my first line indicates, they seek what you are greedy for [3:40] and then use that to trick you "into being complicit in your own servitude" so you'd have no one to blame but yourself [7:55].

I don't know about you but that's rather revelatory to me. 

For those of us who have dealt with the narcissist, what are we greedy for? Well, in familial and romantic relationships, it's usually love and affection, to be seen and heard, and to be valued. When it comes to business relations, however, it may be the standard money, prestige, and title or merely acknowledgment and appreciation. 

In modern vernacular "energy vampire" has become an accepted theory and so the correlation between Dracula and narcissists could easily be seen as spot on. To look at this relationship from a perspective of greed reflects a harshness but maybe one that needs to be examined. It's instinctive to want to be loved, to be seen, to feel valued, and, yes even to want all the luxuries that life can bring us. So, when does it cross that line into greed? Well, technically, if there's a desire for something we're lacking then that line has already been crossed. Our inherent nature is love, value, appreciation, joy, and community. Only a malfunctioning society in our external world can damage this. 

This debasing of selfhood would indicate that there may be a delicate, thin line of self-authority that the narcissist easily recognizes. It's one thing to begin with a child's dependency but another for someone well in their adulthood and thriving. With a child, life begins with absolute dependence on another and thus this life will be formed through a lens of non-fulfillment when raised by a narcissist. Does, then, the independence formulated in adulthood indicate a needed reevaluation of societal standards? Has the push for independence - living on one's own and being financially independent - exploited this demoralizing situation? 

I've seen a few attacks lately on the feminist movement being a catalyst for the downfall of the family unit, and, honestly, at least on the surface, I can agree that, to some extent, it has been one very vocal cause of the general divisional exploitation society is currently undergoing. However, I would not agree it's the only or primary cause. As much as we humans like to simplify things into nice tidy little boxes, rarely do things actually exist in such simplified form. The feminist movement just happens to be a very overt form of societal disintegration promoting an independence from the family structure. I'm digressing here but I think we as a species have a tendency to only view things from one point of reference or weigh things according only to what we are willing to comprehend and that justifies our understanding of our world. It's like with the narcissism issue. Who's at fault? Only narcissists? Or are they just a product of the disintegration of relationship value and connection? The responsibility lies not with just one party. Unearthing the Sacred was formed because of this breakdown in self-responsibility, self-authority, and self-sovereignty, not just within society but myself as well. I am a "victim" of narcissism yet I am also an unwitting perpetrator of its continuation. (Unwittingly, we all tend to be perpetrators of social conditioning until we finally "wake up" and begin questioning everything we've ever been taught. The more I question, the more I realize how different God's world is from our socially-accepted one).

The irony of this mental and social disease is that it fosters the aforementioned greed in an ever-expanding circle of repetition. It creates a disassociation between those who are in desperate need of love but are unconscious of it and those who consciously know they need love. Those conscious of it know that to receive love, you give love. But, those who are unconscious, end up at some point isolating themselves from feeling pain, thereby making "love," or any emotion for that matter, something that others must expose and submerge themselves into for them. Those caught in the narcissist's web operate as a sort of substitute for emotional expression, though it's not recognized as such. The relationship remains dependent upon a need for the narcissist's internal turmoil to have recognition while the victim may unconsciously seek martyrdom in being the externally sanctioned self-abuse of the narcissist.

Mind you, that internal abuse of the narcissist will not be even recognized. The shutdown of emotional recognition however finds its roots in self-flagellation. In the Middle Ages, particularly, adherents were known for scouring their backs with branches or whips to punish themselves for their sins. Nowadays that's become internalized, yet unrecognized due to the unyielding wall erected between the heart and mind. What was the sin that led them to isolate themselves from humanity? Therein lies an excellent question.

So, while narcissists unconsciously seek absolution for their sins, those in the throes of the trauma experience are not only seeking validation for their selfhood but atonement for the abusers' shame. It's rather a repetitive scenario without vindication or reward for either party. The only possibility of reform is for one or both parties to come to the conclusion that love and forgiveness begin and end from within (ie with God). It's questionable though whether a narcissist can become a truly conscious, empathic human once they've crossed that line. According to various psychology websites, the possibility is there but that requires them to be aware of the true nature of the self and concede to external sources of truth that counter their grandiose self-perception... which doesn't make sense. It would make more sense that one of two things would have to happen: either a traumatic event that jars them out of their mindset and/or a very long and intense confinement consisting of truth-telling (from external sources) that realigns the self to a before-the-trauma state that caused the emotional shutdown to begin with.

Hell is all that which leads us from our divine path. Biblical text continually reiterates God's command "Thou shalt have no other gods before me" not necessarily referring to immortal beings to worship but anything that distracts focus from our truth. And, the truth is everything we need comes from within. When we have what we need from within, we can begin receiving the physical expression of it from our external world. If we don't have that love within, we open ourselves up to being controlled, manipulated, and otherwise abused and become ever more greedy for the love and acknowledgment we keep failing to get. So, instead of worshipping these false gods, we merely need to turn to the divine within, acknowledge it, and show it some love. It's amazing what impact self-recognition and love have in establishing self-authority and it's the best defense in keeping narcissistic predators from even stepping foot into our sphere.